


Human Intricacies

by idolatres



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Character Study, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Other, a start of something more, but theres a connection, nothing explicitly romantic happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-21 06:44:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19997602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idolatres/pseuds/idolatres
Summary: Kiara reflects on what love was to her, and what it is now serving her master.





	Human Intricacies

**Author's Note:**

> https://idolatres.tumblr.com/
> 
> requests / asks & imagines r always open  
> i love talking to people!

  
Kiara was used to love. The love she received when people praised her for her undying kindness and beauty. The love she received when people damned her, calling her an unholy sow. Heralded as a savior and demon, she was used to all types of affection and adoration. Used to all types of hatred and fear. It meant little to her how people chose to express themselves towards her, all that mattered was that she responded in everlasting love. That is still her mission to this day, but in the grand schemes of things now, it meant little.  
  
  
  
After everything she had done to the summoner in Chaldea, she was surprised at the aspect of coming back to that realm, a chance for redemption, a chance for success where she failed. She didn't know which she preferred, it was hard to think of anything besides drowning everyone with her in a sea of pleasure. Bliss taking everyone along to a new better world, but she would be stopped again, wouldn't she?  
  
  
  
Her master appeared feeble minded to her at first. Obviously something had to be wrong with them, being able to summon her of all servants. Specially after the events that transpired between them. She assumed they needed saving more than anything, as all humans require, but they insisted otherwise. In fact, they were adamant that it was the opposite. Even while helping her evolve and grow stronger, her master told her to keep herself in check. Which was ridiculous honestly, her being the embodiment of indulgence. Expecting someone like her to have self control was foolish. They knew how intense she was with her desires, they knew the extent she went to, to pursue ever lasting bliss. Yet they expected her to put that behind her, and pretend like she could control herself.  
  
  
  
Still she did her best to appease them. Best to keep things pleasant so battles go smoothly. The idea of not being included in fights as a form of punishment was just too cruel for her, after all fighting is a way to express ones love, and she wanted to show her master how powerful her love can be. Hoping if they see how strong she is, they would be more open minded to the idea of her saving everyone.   
  
  
  
But as things continued, her master seemed to only become more cemented in their ideals. It was quite the conundrum. While they praised Kiara for her help and positive attitude, their stance on her saving the humans in Chaldea only became more and more negative. When she finally got frustrated enough to ask why, the answer she received left her puzzled.  
  


  


* * *

  
  
"Humans don't need a god or a goddess to rule over them and decide what's right and wrong. They definitely don't need you saving them through destruction. It's not right."   
  
  
  
"Now that doesn't make sense, master~." Kiara coos, arms crossing underneath her chest, purposely propping her 'assets' up. Hoping to get them flustered. "Humans created gods and martyrs for a reason, they were lost without guidance. I am more than capable of such a thing, I can guide you all to a perfect paradise." She smiles, knowing that she's right, humans are so easily lost without some semblance of a ruler to listen to. That's why they created systems to trap themselves into.  
  
  
  
"There's no such thing as a perfect paradise." They say, voice quiet, but firm. The serious tone catches her off guard, and her eyes widen. "Humans may make mistakes, but it doesn't mean we're unforgivable, or deserve to be wiped clean for any reason. Even if that reason is a perfect world to be reborn into." They're so solemn as they speak, it almost makes her uncomfortable. The need to reach out to them, to hold them and whisper how they no longer have to fight so hard. That she's here to take care of things. But that can't happen. That's not allowed anymore. She has to accept her role as a tool, no longer needed to be a savior.  
  
  
  
But if she's no longer needed as a savior, is she needed at all? Those who loved her, those who hated her, all their love will go to waste. It'd be for nothing. As hard as she tries to forget the past, it lingers in her mind always. If she's not a savior, who is she really? She stays too long in her thoughts, and her master takes her silence as an admission to continue speaking.  
  
  
  
"Kiara your form of love isn't real, and your form of salvation will only lead to your downfall, again and again."  
  
  
  
She bites her lips, anger and frustration bubbling in her, she's never been more insulted in her life. She opens her mouth to yell, scream, scold them for speaking so freely to her, then welcome them back with open arms, but she never gets the chance. They walk away from her, leaving her to stew in bitterness.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
When she tried to bring the subject back up with her master, they told her to 'wait, and think upon it.' Besides that, things were back to normal. Her master didn't leave her out of battles, in fact they purposely sought out her assistance more than ever. A part of her was happy she wasn't excluded, but their last conversation left such a sour taste in her mouth. She was used to such things though, the beasts she knew when she wasn't a servant would always lash out against her, then turn soft and sweet. Humans really haven't changed, she mused.  
  
  
  
To think upon their words, would mean focusing on that unpleasant feeling, she normally would insist against such things, but because it's her master asking her to do this, she figures it's out of love. A way of them showing their love to her, eventually maybe it won't be negative, but positive. She can't wait for such a day to come, eager to drown her master in a sea of pleasure, showing them the finer things in life.  
  
  
  
'Your form of love isn't real, and your form of salvation will only lead to your downfall.'   
  
  
  
The words echo in her head over and over, and she's reminded of Meltilith's final words. The reason she was able to become an alter ego. It was hard to remember why she even wanted the chance to be an alter ego, everything a bit foggy. Her natural instincts tell her it's a new chance to achieve her goals, but something underneath that nags away, something she can't quite pin point.  
  
  
  
Her past as a human resurfaced in her memories. Something that was always complicated to think about. A part of her felt such intense dislike for the insects that plagued her, not hatred, no it was never hatred, she loved them all. Even when they tortured her, even when she tortured them, it was love. When the suicides began, it filled her with such satisfaction, knowing they felt that deeply towards her. There was no reason to be sad, their souls would be saved soon enough, if they already hadn't reached enlightenment through their intense idolation. After all, any actions toward her, any actions she made towards others: were just stepping stones towards paradise.  
  
  
  
'Your form of love isn't real,' but it is real, to her. It's all she's ever known. People praising her, showering her in adoration and compliments, people cursing her, damning her to be reborn as a beetle, the irony not lost on her. A parasite damning the only real human to be a parasite as well, it was all humorous to her. She couldn't help but chuckle. What wasn't real about that love? It brought her such joy, it made her laugh, it made her cry, that's love.  
  
  
  
She decided to spend some time observing her master and their interactions with the other servants: specifically those with strong attachments to them. She made sure to keep her distance, out of sight, to see how they treated one another. To see how her master viewed love, what was love to them. It was nothing shocking or fantastical. There were no grand gestures exchanged, no vows of undying love or hate, no promises of eternal loyalty. It was all.. very common.  
  
  
  
Marie was an interesting little doll to observe with her master. Cheery and sugary sweet. Her master returning the kind treatment. Praising her for doing a job well done, sometimes they'd even hug, Marie beaming from ear to ear after such contact. If anything, it was rather boring.   
  
  
  
With Nursery Rhyme their master had an almost parental aura. Over protective, pats on the head, excessive use of the words "great work, good job, you did amazing." Again, nothing too interesting. Was this their love? In both cases they seem so satisfied with mundane actions, how could that possibly be fulfilling? As much as she tried to understand, she couldn't. She just had to ask, she needed an answer.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
"Master." Kiara starts, approaching them with a smile. They smile in return, greeting her politely. "I have a question about your love." Their smile quickly fades into a firm line.  
  
  
  
"Go ahead." They say.  
  
  
  
"I thought about what you told me, and I decided to do some research about what you consider love..." Her voice trails off, feeling a tad shy at the admission of her stalking, they didn't need to know she was /actually/ following them at least. "Well, to put it simply: I'm a bit confused. I was wondering if you could illuminate the situation for me." Her voice is as smooth as ever, but her master still doesn't seem very receptive to the topic.  
  
  
  
"I can try. What's confusing you?" Simple and to the point. She likes that about them.  
  
  
  
She clears her throat, preparing for her 'speech.' "From what I've seen, what you consider 'love', is so... dull. Where are the grand declarations? Where are the gifts? The indulgent touches, no matter what kind. Everything you've shown is lackluster, like there are no real emotions behind it." With her little tangent over, she sighs, brushing her hair from her face. "How is that real love?"  
  
  
  
They don't reply immediately, seeming to mull over the words she spoke. She waits eagerly, batting her lashes at them. "What's wrong with it?" They retort, and she pauses, narrowing her eyes at them.  
  
  
  
"What's wrong with it?" She repeats, incredulous, baffled at their response. "What's wrong with it, dear, is that it's not fulfilling." A haughty giggle escapes her, she can't help it, it's just so amusing how basic they can be. "A love that doesn't consume you completely... A hate that doesn't consume you completely..." Her voice trails off as she thinks of the past for reference. "What's the point in it? Meaningless gestures towards each other that'll amount to nothing. Compared to being completely obsessed with someone, dedicating every breath you take to their existence, worship them. That's fulfillment beyond belief. I don't see how you can be satisfied with such..."   
  
  
  
"Normalcy?" They interrupt. "A healthy relationship?"  
  
  
  
"Healthy?" She scoffs.  
  
  
  
"It's healthy to have a life outside of others. When you dedicate every part of your life to someone it'll destroy you in the process, maybe even the one you love." They seem sworn by their own words, like repeating a pledge. "To make someone really happy, it's about wanting to live with them, side by side as equals." They're nodding at their own words, like they need to reconfirm what they're saying. They continue to speak.  
  
  
  
"To be happy and healthy, to try and improve yourselves together. To making a fulfilling life for yourself with simple day to day things. Enjoying each day no matter how hard it gets. Knowing that even if you're separated, you'll both still be okay. That's true love."  
  
  
  
Kiara is silent. Trying to choose her words carefully. She had to control herself from laughing, knowing it would be rude and ill of her to do so. Their master truly believed such boring things amount to love. She wants to ask them, have they even tried her way? Why was she damned for her view, but not them? "Master, forgive me, it just doesn't add up." She says. "Love is supposed to consume you, it's supposed to make you feel like you're everything, it's supposed to make you feel like you're nothing. These little gestures you speak of... They're minor in the big picture."  
  
  
  
"It's the little things that make love fulfilling." They continue to speak, Kiara listens as she taps her nails along her curves, shifting her weight from side to side. "A smile, a hug. A simple I love you. Doing things together. Knowing you're close even if you have to be away from each other for awhile, not being afraid to be your own person. It's freeing." Their gaze softens, and Kiara freezes on the spot. "I don't think you were ever able to be your own person Kiara."  
  
  
  
Her own person?  
  
  
  
It's hard to remember her life before she became the worlds idol. What was she like then? Was she happy? Did such mundane things make her excited about being alive? As hard as she tries, nothing comes to mind. A thick fog blanketing over the details. All she can make out are glimpses of those who worshipped her. The intense, smothering affection. The hatred that left her bruised and bloody. When she returned what they presented ten fold, love and violence mixing into one. Did she genuinely /enjoy/ hurting others when they wished for it? The only thing that mattered to her was their pleasure, their pain if they wished for it. The longer she dwells on this fact, the more antsy she becomes. She's chewing on her lip, and her nails are digging into her arm, biting at her skin as comes to terms with the daunting realization. She is nothing without her divine goal. She is nothing without the carnal pleasure that comes with those who worship her. That quick rush of satisfaction was just a temporary fix, like an addict chasing the next high. It consumed her to the point where she had no point in existing outside of giving and receiving that meaningless satisfaction. It'd put a bandage over everyone's true wants and needs, but those desires would never be completely fixed.  
  
  
  
"Kiara, are you alright?" Their master asks, genuinely concerned, they reach for her, and her eyes widen. Taken aback by their gentle movements. Their hands placed over hers, ushering her to stop picking and clawing at her skin. Their touch is comforting, and it makes her more conflicted than she already is. They want nothing from her, they demand nothing from her. They don't want to be saved, they don't /need/ to be saved. They want to help her instead. Not with her goals, but to help her become happy with how she is now, to not need paradise. It terrifies her.  
  
  
  
A hollow laugh escapes her, she has to cut herself off before it devolves into a sob. She refuses to lose her composure in front of them. She has to stop herself from stammering, clearing her throat. "What's this master? Do you care for me? Are you actually concerned for little old me?" She winks at them, pretending to be confident, unfazed at what happened.  
  
  
  
They try to remain adamant about making sure she's okay, but her haunting smile and taunting voice makes them sigh. "Anyway, I hope I helped cleared things up." They relent, removing their hands from hers. She wishes they wouldn't let go, a part of her wants them to embrace her, but she can't allow herself to give up on her goal. Her faith can't be shaken so easily. "I have other things to do, so I'll talk to you later." Their master says, giving a curt wave, before walking off.   
  
  
  
This encounter wasn't as annoying as the last time they left her standing, but for some reason she's more unsteady than ever. She boils it down to overthinking things, allowing someone to get into her head was a mistake. As simple as her master seems, there's more to them than she anticipated. She wants to praise them in their manipulation skills, but... they would have to have an ulterior motive for it to be manipulation. As far as she can tell there's no spite in their intentions. She never questioned her own logic before, but perhaps humans weren't as simple as she thought they were.   
  
  
  
and maybe one day, she can learn more about what this 'true' love is, not for others, but for herself.


End file.
